Social Networking

I love social networking websites. I mean that I LOVE them. Facebook, Myspace, you name it, I love them. Why do I love them? Oh it has nothing to do with being social or catching up with friends and/or classmates from my past, nope I just like to fuck with people. That’s pretty much it.

You see I moved away from my hometown shortly after I graduated from high school and have only been back to visit a few times since. I set up my profile on these sites without a whole lot of information about myself on it, just enough for people to know that I am actively on that site and maybe spark a little curiosity. Then I just sat back and waited for the friend request to come in. And most of the friend request that I get on these sites are accompanied with a message. Usually the message is someone telling me who they are and how I know them and things like that. I return their message as soon as I can and start a chit-chat conversation with them and find a way to ask them what they are doing for a living, are they married/do they have a family and so on, which is usually returned with them asking me what I am up to.

This is the part that I really love. I usually respond and let them know that I am in prison or jail and how excited I am that they contacted me because I am about to get out. Then I tell them that I am either going to move back home if they still live in the area that I grew up in or that I have always wanted to live in whatever area they currently live in. And that I will need a place to stay until I can get back on my feet, but with the economy the way that it is it may take a while. Then I go on about how great of a friend that they are and how proud of them that I am because of how well they are doing in life and that I am envious of the choices that they made in life. Then I start hinting around that I could use a life mentor like them.

For some reason this is where the conversation hits a lull. I wonder why?

Sometimes I like to mix it up a bit and go the hardcore, non-mainstream religious route. Snake handling, aliens, animal worship, just depends on my mood at the time. Then I ask them if they are a believer and if not I would love to talk to them about it. And that I am about to go on tour and will be in their area soon and that I hope to see them while I am there.

This too seems to cause a lull in the conversation.

And if this wasn’t enough, I have a reunion coming up in a couple of years so the timing is great. I always include how I can’t wait to see them at the reunion if I start to get the brush off. Nothing like being able to make someone uncomfortable in the future!

You would be amazed at the names your “friends” call you when you tell them that you are just screwing with them.

So if you are on or are about to join a social networking site give this a try. Nothing says it’s the holiday season like thinking that a felon or religious nut is about to come stay with you and your family during Christmas. And if you’re not on one SIGN UP NOW!

Don’t get dead