Pure Genius

The other morning I was listening to some morning drive radio when the co-host of the show I was listening to started to talk about a visit to this “healer” called Braco (pronounced Bra-So) the Gazer. This guy supposedly has healing powers. And after a session with Braco people speak of indescribable feelings, almost euphoric.

Now to experience this, the cost is a reasonable eight dollars a person. I know, what a deal!

And get this, he does it by simply looking at you! Yeah, same thing I said.

So for eight bucks a pop this guy will walk into a room full of people, not say shit, look at you for a few minutes and then haul ass with your cash. That’s it! And they said that he sees up to ten THOUSAND people a day. An f’ing DAY!

This pisses me off so bad that I can hardly contain myself. And not because he is robbing people face to face, but because I didn’t think of it first!!

I don’t feel sorry for the suckers who got taken in by this AT ALL. They knew what he was about going into it, I mean my god he calls himself a gazer what did they think it was, a seminar? Which just proves that there is in fact a sucker born every minute.

Plus how sad are they that they get this “indescribable feeling” from simply being acknowledged! You are one sad sack mofo if someone simply realizing that you exist brings you such elation.

I got to find a way to get in on this sca…rack…ummm…talent! Yeah, that’s it, it’s a talent!

And ole Braco doesn’t get dressed up for these ripoff sessions, I mean “gazings” he wears some real spiffy stonewashed jeans and a button down shirt.

The genius part of this is that he doesn’t get sued because he quit talking back in 2009 AND doesn’t call himself a healer either, just a gazer. With no claims of healing, well at least not from him. So for all we know he could be some mental case mute with delayed fashion sense and a short attention span. Dammit, I would be perfect for this job!

So let’s do the math, eight bucks a head times up to ten thousand people a day is eighty thousand freaking dollars a day. And let’s say he works a four day work week, which is three hundred twenty thousand dollars a week. Let’s multiple that times forty-nine weeks a year, because I am sure he takes a few weeks of vacation a year (I mean you would have to after “working” that hard right?) comes out to one million five hundred sixty-eight thousand dollars a year, roughly. FOR FREAKING LOOKING AT PEOPLE!!!!!

Hang on, I am about to have a fit…

…Ok, I’m back.

So spread the word, my breath has been reported to heal and one breath can fill a room. Admission is a deal at only five dollars a person. My boogers and toenail clippings are even more magical and a bargain at ten dollars a piece while supplies last. Size and selection may vary.

-- Don’t get dead