Pearls of wisdom

Sometimes, life is hard. But that is because you are a looser.
If at first you don’t succeed it is because you’re too stupid to read the directions.
The road to hell is still going to hell.
I believe that a wise man once said “holy shit, are you ALL stupid?!”
Anyone who will pay $5 for a cup of coffee deserves to spend $5 for a cup of coffee.
When you’re feeling down and out, you really should considered suicide.
You’re either with me or you’re an idiot.
A bird in the hand had better be fried, grilled or baked.
A tooth for a tooth and an eye for an eye only happens in trailer parks.
All of the sins of the world sound like one hell of a party to me.
Cats are good for one thing, field goals.
An apple a day keeps illeagles coming into the country for work.
If frogs had wings that would be one jacked up looking frog.
Happiness is only a 976 phone call away.
If you ever feel worthless, go to Wal-Mart and look around at those people. They are worthless personified.
All the world is a stage and we are putting on a comedy of errors.
Early to bed, early to rise means you miss all of the good parties.
Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil…. NERD!
Does anyone ever tell someone to have a bad day?
Judge not, unless you got a gavel and a robe.
A diamond is forever unless you leave it in your room in a Vegas hotel.
A friend in need is SOL if they call me.
A house divided against itself can not stand, oh man I didn’t know there was going to be math.
A rose by any other name would cost about half of what you would pay for a rose.
Good things come to those who have the best credit.
All things must pass, even faster if you put Tabasco on it.
Born with a silver spoon in your mouth, must have been one hell of a delivery.