Thursday, March 11, 2010

I am a GINORMIOUS shithead

I had to run an errand at lunch today and of course it took longer than I expected. So when everything was done and I was hauling ass back to the office as fast as I can taking what I thought was a short cut, I run into traffic of course. I turn onto this side road and there I am behind these slow-ass drivers on this two lane road and I swear we didn’t get above 20 mph. So yeah, I was about to pull the steering wheel off of the steering column. I mean there is this long ass line of cars just poking along. And I know that they were all doing it on purpose, just to piss me off. After what seemed like a couple of miles I said to myself “F it!” and started to work my way though the traffic. Every chance I got I would zoom around one car, sometimes two. And even though we were packed together pretty tight I really didn’t have a problem getting in. I bet that I passed about forty cars when I thought to myself “someone should kill the asshole who is causing this backup”. Well, someone did, maybe. I found myself behind the lead car of the backup, a hearse. I had just weaved my way though a funeral procession.

There is no doubt that I am King Dickhead. And this time it was an accident! Where’s my crown?

Don’t get dead

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Yep, I am still the king (asshole)

So there I am in the elevator at work on my way down to the lobby when it stops at the second floor. I am sure that I am not the only one in the elevator who wanted to get to the garage, get in their car and head home. But I am sure that I am the only one who said, “What kind of asshole can’t go DOWN one flight of stairs?!” This would be when the door opened and a girl in a wheelchair got in the elevator. Oh fucking shoot me! A couple of people chuckled and I couldn’t make eye contact with anyone. Being the king kind of sucks sometimes.

Don’t get dead
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