Wednesday, August 01, 2012

I don’t know; maybe just give him a warning.

Cops: Man awaiting sobriety test takes last swig

BELLEVIEW, Fla. – Authorities said a central Florida man took one last swig of alcohol while waiting to take a sobriety test. Marion County Sheriff's deputies stopped 61-year-old Dana Seaman after noticing his car swerve three times. Seaman said he'd been drinking and agreed to a sobriety test. But first, Deputy Eric Larson said he watched Seaman drink from a cup and toss it under the passenger seat. According to a police report, the cup smelled strongly of alcohol.

Seaman refused a breath test. He has been charged with DUI.

A message left for Seaman was not immediately returned Monday.

I swear to God that is a real news story. Pulled from the AP.

Ok, normally I would be all over the suspect’s ass like Lindsay Lohan at a wine tasting.  But in this case I think the local Sheriff’s office should throw him a bone. Why? His name is freaking Dana Seaman…SEAMAN! He has lived 61 years with the last name of SEAMAN. No wonder he was drinking.

What I don’t understand is why he didn’t change his name a LOOOOONNNNGGGGG time ago? I know that I would have been at the court house at the very first opportunity I had to start the legal name change process. I would have been Dana Smith just as soon as humanly possible. He wouldn’t even have to change anything he had initialed. Think he didn’t change it because of pride or that spiffy family crest?

Could you imagine the hell his youth was, especially after sex ed class? Now Mr. Seaman has quite a few years on me but I would guess that kids were just as big of a-holes when he was in school as they were when I was in school. He is just lucky that his parents weren’t hippies or something and named him Swallow or something like that.

The funniest lines from that story have to be, “Seaman refused a breath test.” and “A message left for Seaman was not immediately returned Monday.” I know it is juvenile, but you laughed too!

-- Don’t get dead

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