"Committed to Excellence"

Have you ever noticed some of the quotes at the bottom of some e-mails and wonder what they were thinking when they put that on there? Not talking about stuff like "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy" - Ben Franklin, that's just a cool quote. I am talking about when people put motivational or professional quotes at the bottom of their signature. Things like "Above and Beyond" or "Committed to Excellence" or "Your satisfaction is my priority". Well when in the fuck did my satisfaction become you sitting on your ass playing solitaire? Because that is pretty much all you do. I know, I have seen it. It would be different if it was a slow period or just happened every once and a while, but when it's habitual you really might want to consider removing your quote showing how hard of a worker you are.
Why don't people just put a signature that reflects them accurately. Maybe, they can't think of some, so I will help them out. Below are some of my examples of signature quotes that popped into my head when I have read the actual quotes from e-mails that I have received.
"Just here because it pays"
"If I was any lazier people would think I was in a coma"
"Who to call when "good enough" is still to much to ask for"
"The dumbest thing to ever walk to face of the earth"
"A Darwin Award in pants"
"Stupid is as I do"
"....what?"
"I sent an e-mail... yeah!!"
"What is my job again?"
"Customer Service, not my damn job!"
"Don't expect anything from me if it is even close to 5:00"
"I only work on days that don't end in y"
"You mean I can do more that check my hotmail with this machine?!?!?! COOL!"
"Equal opportunity applies to idiots too!"
"Still can't find the "any" key"
"I know a few buzz words and I am dying to say them!"
"Paying that girl to build my resume was so worth it"
"I work harder at getting out of work that most people do actually working"
"Not here to learn my job, why don't you do it for me"
"Low cut tops = don't have to do a damn thing"
"My motto is come in late, take a long lunch and leave early"
"This job is seriously getting in the way of my social life"
So if any of these examples seem to "Fit the Bill", please feel free to use them. You know, it simply amazes me to see people who hype themselves up when they are one step away from worthless. I am by no means saying that I am the be all, end all but I have actually had to work with some of these people and they just amaze me. These are the same people who have their work e-mail forward to their PDA (that they went out and bought on their own, not work related) for absolutely no reason. Usually listing out their work phone number, pager number, cell phone number, blackberry, home number, cell phone e-mail, personal e-mail, their mothers home address, next of kin, longitude and latitude coordinates of their house, neighbors phone number and so on in their signature as well, for absolutely no reason. I swear they must do it to impress their friends or something because there is no way in 500 hells that anyone has a need to get a hold of them when they are not at their desk. Same people who have business cards printed but never work with anyone who they would give them too. Also the same people who have to have something to say in each and every meeting, which usually has nothing to do with the topic, their job or even what the company does.
Is there some kind of government regulation that says every company has to hire a set number of morons?