A Brand New Car!!

With the price of gas skyrocketing and showing no signs of slowing down, a lot of people are looking into buying new cars. What a Mammoth, royal pain in the ass this is. I have pissed off more car salesmen than George W. Bush has liberals. I just hate the games and I have a solution, I don’t haggle with them. And no, I am not stupid enough to pay their asking price. I just get tired of the time-wasting BS that you have to sit through, so I don’t let the salesmen be in control of the deal.

While buying a new car one time I let the salesman approach me and we begin the process. Of course he wanted to know what I had to trade in. To which I told him not to worry about that part until we agree on the price of the new car. He didn’t dig this but it’s my money, it’s my rules. So he ask me to come inside and let’s “run the numbers”. What he didn’t know was that I had done my research and had the deal cost & the invoice pricing with me. I also had dealer cost on all of the upgrades on the car.

So we are sitting at his desk and he is going through his typical line of BS which I let him finish. Again he tries to get my keys to see what my trade-in was worth. You know, to “speed up the process” while we are doing the paper work. Yeah, we aren’t going to do that until we agree on a price and I tell him that if you ask me for my keys again before we agree on the price that I will leave. I guess he understood because he had this dog with his tail between his legs look to him.

So we are sitting there and he tells me that the car cost $X and I tell him, “You know, that is more than the sticker price on the car right now” and he actually thinks that I am going to fall for this line of “Well the price I gave you is the MSRP and …” to which I tell him to “Stop right there, that is not MSRP, you need to go check your facts. The MSRP on this car is $X”. This guy is already pissing me off but I figure I will see what kind of deal we can work. So he says the words I was waiting to hear “we can probably come off of that a little bit, but I will have to go talk to my manager”. I love this, because this is when my method is the most effective. I looked him straight in the eye and tell him “You got one time, you tell your manager to come back with your best offer if it is in the price range that I am willing to pay we will do business, if not I will get out of your hair.” He has this puzzled look on his face and gets up and goes to the managers office for a few minutes. When he comes back he says we were able to get the car down to $X (not quite three hundred dollars under the sticker price). To which I thank him and tell him that I will be trying somewhere else. He is stumbling and mumbling like a fool and all but begging me to sit back down. “Mr. Sweezey, wait … Mr. Sweezey, let me go back and talk to him some more. Mr. Sweezey, come on now.” To which I told him, “What did I tell you? I told you that you had one shot and that was it, I don’t have time for you to go back and forth all day” He was trying to tell me how it was a negotiating process and blah blah blah. To which I replied that I don’t negotiate very well and that at this rate it was going to take a LONG time to get to the price I am willing to pay. After a brief conversation on the sales floor I busted out with the invoice pricing and the dealer cost which dumbfounded him. He looked at the prices and said “well yeah, those are right”. To which he said how about you sit back down and let talk some more? How about I bend over and you lick my butthole.

Before I could get to my car FOUR people came up to me pretty much begging me to stay and deal with them. I explained the way that I do business and that their salesmen wasn’t willing to work with me. Tah tah.

So I go to another dealership in the area and see the same car and start the processes again. I give the guy the low down that I gave the previous guy. Same song and dance, and I even told him, if you don’t think I will walk out on you give this guy a call and gave him the previous guys business card. So we are sitting there and I was just in a pissy mood so I cut to the chase and said to the guy “Look here is dealer cost, here is invice, and here is what I am willing to pay”.

Brace yourselves because this is about to get good.

The looks at me and says “Mr. Sweezey, you don’t want me to make any money on this deal?” I motion for him to come closers and I lean in over the table and tell him “I don’t give a f&$k if you make a penny on this deal.” I wish I had taken a picture of his expression. You would think that I just violated his mother in front of him.

But I will give him credit, he lasted longer than most of the others. So I give him the speech about having one chance with his manager and if we could make it work great and if not I was going to take off. He did well, he came back and was close to what I was willing to pay but I guess he thought he was going to test the waters with me a bit. By that I mean that I thanked him for his time and wished him good luck on selling that car to someone else. In a feverish rush he was working some numbers and said “Depending on your credit that is like $17 a month, would you really walk away from this deal for $17 a month? My reply to him was “Yep”.

Then this assmunch actually had the audacity to say to me “Come on, you got 17 extra dollars a month right” and told him “Not only do I have $17 a month, I will be keeping that $17 a month.” Again he says I can’t believe you would walk away from this deal over less than $20 a month. Mister, I will walk way from this deal over a quarter. Then he says it’s not really that much difference, hardly anything. So I say “Ok, you pay it then!” He didn’t like that option either. So I take off from this dealership. Sorry buddy but it’s not my problem that you made a piss-pour career choice.

Don’t get dead