Pieces of Me

You cannot put more than one CD into a car single disk player, no matter how drunk you are.

I think people who don’t know if they are coming or going aren’t doing it right.

Today I saw a guy smoking Pall Malls, he looked really good for a thousand years old.

I have come to the realization that the mens room is where all the dicks hang out.

I live in Texas, where it is always pretty warm. Halloween is coming up. I think I am going to give out popsicles. Think about it.

Do you think the phrase “take it like a man” has a different meaning in places like San Francisco?

Could someone explain to me what the saying “There aint a hair on your ass if you don’t…” means and how it proves manliness? What does a hairy ass have to do with being a man?

If everyone is concerned about people between the ages of 14 and 18 getting into drugs, you think they would change high school to something like sober school. The kids are getting confused.

Guns don’t kill people, murders kill people.

If it wasn’t for gravity, I would have the cleanest house in the world.

I have found out that you are not late until they have started without you.

When I get bored I put on a pair of khakis and a red pull over shirt and head down to Target to fuck with people.

How exactly do you shit someone?

Yesterday I went to a store where I saw a handicapped guy parking in one of our parking spots. So I pushed his wheelchair to the back of the parking lot, with my car. If I can’t park in your spots without catching hell, you can’t park in ours!

Don’t get dead