You got to be kidding me

So I was checking out some news today when I came across this article.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090130/ap_on_re_us/octuplets

And we all know about the Dugger’s with 75 children or what ever and then there is that damn Jon and Kate plus 8 and gobs of hillbillies with their own softball teams too. So this begs the question of ladies, what in the fuck is wrong with you? Seriously, you need keep shitting out kids like some kind of goddamn magic trick?

I understand that for some it’s a religious thing, but seriously if you got six kids, pack it in. God said it’s ok. And for the love of everything holy, stop fucking. While you might think it’s great, the rest of the country hates you. And no we aren’t jealous, you are a goddamn drain on society. And even if your not, you are annoying as fuck. Because we all know you are going to take your entire gaggle of weirdo kids to the store with you while you are shopping and I know it will be while I am at the damn store too.

If you have four or more children, go get a library card or the internet or cable tv or something. Ladies, your vagina is not a clown car.

Plus, come on how good can the sex be if your crotch looks like the tunnels used by the Viet Kong? Who wants to screw a coffee can? Your birth canal must be like a damn slip and slide. I bet you don’t even have to push while in labor, they just slide out like a water slide. Are you going for distance during the delivery by the time you have kid #7?

That’s got to be a shit load of snotty noses and dirty diapers. I am going to go check on getting a vasectomy now.

Don’t get dead

Spelling

I came across this news article and it kind of scared me.

"Spelling "truely atrosious," says

LONDON (Reuters) - Embaressed by yor spelling? Never you mind.

Fed up with his students' complete inability to spell common English correctly, a British academic has suggested it may be time to accept "variant spellings" as legitimate.

Rather than grammarians getting in a huff about "argument" being spelled "arguement" or "opportunity" as "opertunity," why not accept anything that's phonetically (fonetickly anyone?) correct as long as it can be understood?

"Instead of complaining about the state of the education system as we correct the same mistakes year after year, I've got a better idea," Ken Smith, a criminology lecturer at Bucks New University, wrote in the Times Higher Education Supplement.

"University teachers should simply accept as variant spelling those words our students most commonly misspell."

To kickstart his proposal, Smith suggested 10 common misspellings that should immediately be accepted into the pantheon of variants, including "ignor," "occured," "thier," "truely," "speach" and "twelth" (it should be "twelfth").

Then of course there are words like "misspelt" (often spelled "mispelt"), not to mention "varient," a commonly used variant of "variant."

And that doesn't even begin to delve into all the problems English people have with words that use the letters "i" and "e" together, like weird, seize, leisure, foreign and neighbor.

The rhyme "i before e except after c" may be on the lips of every schoolchild in Britain, but that doesn't mean they remember the rule by the time they get to university.

Of course, such proposals have been made in the past. The advent of text messaging turned many students into spelling neanderthals as phrases such as "wot r u doin 2nite?" became socially, if not academically, acceptable.

Despite Smith's suggestion, language mavens are unconvinced. John Simpson, the chief editor of the Oxford English Dictionary, says rules are rules and they are there for good reason.

"There are enormous advantages in having a coherent system of spelling," he told the Times newspaper.

"It makes it easier to communicate. Maybe during a learning phase there is some scope for error, but I would hope that by the time people get to university they have learnt to spell."

Yet even some of Britain's greatest wordsmiths have acknowledged it's a language with irritating quirkiness.

Playwright George Bernard Shaw was fond of pointing out that the word "ghoti" could just as well be pronounced "fish" if you followed common pronunciation: 'gh' as in "tough," 'o' as in "women" and 'ti' as in "nation."

And he was a playright."


Oh hell no! Ken Smith must be an utter moron if he thinks that this is acceptable. All of these people who spell dude like dood or cool as kewl all give off the appearance of complete dipshits. How sad are you that you feel the need to gain attention by bastardizing the English language?

I wonder if Mr. Smith would let his accountant get away with the same principles? You know, when he does his taxes that they are close enough. I am sure that law enforcement would be close enough in how long they locked him up as well. Or what if his boss adopted his feeling with regards to his paycheck? I bet he would change his tune then.

One wonders if this is the way that Ken Smith really feels, why should we continue to educate our children? Why grade? Like little league baseball, the score is always fun to fun. Yeah why not.

And let’s put this way of thinking into effect in every class. World War II was from 1780 – 1999. Close enough! E=MCHammer, works for me! What is 20% of 200? Apple. Why not!

This close enough idea would make cross word puzzles interesting. And I guess that Saturday Night Live would have to revamp all of their Jeopardy! skits.

Is there a global outbreak of dumbass or something going on? It’s beginning to look like the whole world is about to OD on stupid pills.

Don’t get dead (And learn to spell!)

And now for something completely similar

With all that is going on with this political season you hear lots of commentary as to what a particular candidate should or shouldn’t do. You hear how they should appeal to this group of people or how they should tailor their comments to that group and so on. One of the things that I heard recently was how someone should have a “grassroots” movement.

A grassroots movement is one driven by the constituents of a community. The term implies that the creation of the movement and the group supporting it is natural and spontaneous, highlighting the differences between this and a movement that is orchestrated by traditional power structures. Often, grassroots movements are at the local level, as many volunteers in the community give their time to support the local party, which can lead to helping the national party. For instance, a grassroots movement can lead to significant voter registration for a political party, which in turn helps the state and national parties. Thank you very much Wikipedia.

But if you didn’t know that, you wouldn’t think that is what it means. On the surface when one thinks of grassroots they think of something that is dark, underground, germy and dirty even. Is that something you would want associated with your candidate of choice? I think not!

What I want for my candidate is an alcohol laden campaign. I am sure that initially you thought this guy has got to be kidding. Does he really want some sort of alcohol laden political campaign? Yeah I do, because as we all know alcohol kills germs! A clean campaign would be nice for a change.

Don’t get dead

Hurricane Ike and News Headlines

While surfing during lunch today I saw a headline that reads “Texas governor: Hurricane Ike will be dangerous”. Well thank you Rick Perry for hipping us to that late breaking news flash. So is it that some hurricanes are dangerous or just this one or what? Maybe the news story will tell us. It reads as follows.

“Texas governor: Hurricane Ike will be dangerous

HOUSTON - Texas Gov. Rick Perry is urging residents to finish storm preparations ahead of a very dangerous Hurricane Ike.

Perry told reporters Thursday that Ike is a gigantic storm, and says he "cannot overestimate the danger that is facing us."

Ike is expected to become at least a Category 3 storm with winds upward of 111 mph before it comes ashore. Hurricane warnings are in effect from the Louisiana coast to Morgan City.

Authorities are trying to avoid traffic gridlock similar to an evacuation during Hurricane Rita three years ago. Only eight zip codes in low-lying areas and near Galveston Bay are under mandatory evacuation orders.

Traffic is stacked bumper to bumper on one freeway leading away from Galveston County and into the Houston metropolitan area.”

So let’s see, this hurricane is a “gigantic storm”, no shit? Who would have thunk it? Who would have ever thought that this hurricane that everyone, even REMOTELY related to news or weather, has been talking about for weeks might have some considerable size. Wow, I can see how you got elected.

Perry then continues with he "cannot overestimate the danger that is facing us." Really?! Overestimate, OVERestimate, you can not OVERESTIMATE the danger that is facing us? Why don’t you try complete annihilation of the entire country, do you think that might be an overestimate? I do hope that you mean underestimate.

What is it about Texas Governors and their inability to speak?

Don’t get dead

More odd news

Sheriff goes to jail for an education

CHICAGO (Reuters) - There's a new sheriff in jail.

Sheriff Mark Curran of Lake County, Illinois, walked into his own jail on Wednesday to spend a week as a prisoner, saying he was divinely inspired to learn what it was like to be confined and to sample jail programs designed to reduce recidivism.

"The biblical adage that we reap what we sow is very true in criminal justice," said Curran, 45, before exchanging his business suit for a prison jumpsuit at the Waukegan, Illinois, facility near Chicago.

Illinois "has historically had one of the worst-run prison systems in the nation ... treating inmates like caged animals only to see them released back into their communities angrier and more bitter than they originally were," he said.

Curran will spend time in the general population of some 600 inmates who are awaiting trial on charges of murder, rape and lesser crimes, though at times he will have his own cell.

He will sit in on high school equivalency classes, and spend a night in the high-security unit and in the medical unit.


What a royal screw job for the tax payers in Lake County. So not only would they be paying taxes for his salary they will be paying taxes for him to be imprisoned for a week. Paying taxes for his cell, his jumpsuit, laundry, food, air-conditioning and paying taxes to pay the teachers in the classes that he is sitting in on.

Talk about getting the shaft. I hope Mark Curran isn’t up for re-election this year, this would be political gold. And since the sheriff is an elected official, who wouldn’t use this against him?

Makes you hope that he becomes D-Bo’s bitch while he is in there. You know, to give him the realistic experience.

If I lived in Lake County I would raise all kinds of stink demanding that the sheriff either gives up his salary or the cost of taking care of a prisoner for one week, which ever is higher.

While I don’t live in Lake County, don’t know this guy, don’t have anything against cops or any sort thing like that, I am a tax payer. And I would be mega-pissed if my tax dollars where being used twice for this goofballs experiment.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me.

Don’t get dead

Odd news story

Baby pronounced dead lives after hours in cooler

JERUSALEM (Reuters) - A stillborn Israeli baby who was pronounced dead by doctors "came back to life" on Monday after spending hours in a hospital refrigerator.

The baby, weighing only 600 grams at birth, spent at least five hours inside one of the hospital's refrigerated storage units, before her parents, who had taken her to be buried, began noticing some movement.

"We unwrapped her and felt she was moving. We didn't believe it at first. Then she began holding my mother's hand, and then we saw her open her mouth," said 26-year-old Faiza Magdoub, the baby's mother.

The baby was pronounced dead several hours earlier, after doctors at Western Galilee hospital in northern Israel were forced to abort her mother's pregnancy because of internal bleeding. Magdoub was 23 weeks into her pregnancy.

"We don't know how to explain this, so when we don't know how to explain things in the medical world we call it a miracle, and this is probably what happened," hospital deputy director Moshe Daniel said.

The baby was then taken to the hospital's neonatal intensive care unit for further treatment, but doctors were not sure how long she will live.

Motti Ravid, a professor of internal medicine, told Israel's Channel 10 that the low temperature inside the cooler had slowed down the baby's metabolism and likely helped her survive.


So the obvious thing here is that this baby came back to life in Jerusalem, seems like I heard about that happening before in that same area.

When this little girl is old enough to walk you know damn well someone is going to fill a tub, bucket, mixing bowl or something with water to see if she can walk on it. And if she can, you know they will be invited to every pool party. “Hey Mrs. Magdoub, could you let your daughter do her little trick? My cousin wants to see it.” Talk about early retirement, you could sell tickets for that at a premium! Just set your price and people from all over the world would come to see it. I bet you wouldn’t have to pay for a meal anywhere in the world. I wonder what they will name her, think it will be Jesse or something like that?

But more importantly, this tells me that if I ever go to visit Jerusalem (since it is oh so safe for Americans to be over there) make damn sure that I don’t go to the hospital.

Ever see that scene from Monty Python’s Monty Python and the Holy Grail where the dead collector is going around calling out “Bring Out Your Dead!”? It makes me thing of something like that.

For anyone who hasn’t seen it, it goes a little something like this…

The Dead Collector: Bring out yer dead.
[a man puts a body on the cart]
Large Man with Dead Body: Here's one.
The Dead Collector: That'll be ninepence.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.
The Dead Collector: What?
Large Man with Dead Body: Nothing. There's your ninepence.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not dead.
The Dead Collector: 'Ere, he says he's not dead.
Large Man with Dead Body: Yes he is.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm not.
The Dead Collector: He isn't.
Large Man with Dead Body: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I'm getting better.
Large Man with Dead Body: No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment.
The Dead Collector: Well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I don't want to go on the cart.
Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, don't be such a baby.
The Dead Collector: I can't take him.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel fine.
Large Man with Dead Body: Oh, do me a favor.
The Dead Collector: I can't.
Large Man with Dead Body: Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long.
The Dead Collector: I promised I'd be at the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today.
Large Man with Dead Body: Well, when's your next round?
The Dead Collector: Thursday.
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I think I'll go for a walk.
Large Man with Dead Body: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do?
The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't: I feel happy. I feel happy.
[the Dead Collector glances up and down the street furtively, then silences the Body with his a whack of his club]
Large Man with Dead Body: Ah, thank you very much.
The Dead Collector: Not at all. See you on Thursday.
Large Man with Dead Body: Right.

In all seriousness, I do hope that the child lives and has a normal healthy life.

Don’t get dead (sorry, that’s kind of my thing at this part of a blog)

Gas prices are so high that they are affecting hookers?

Another news story that I just saw says …

Brothel offers customers gas rebate
Wed Jul 9, 12:18 PM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A Nevada brothel is trying to stimulate business by offering free gasoline.

Clients of the Shady Lady Ranch will get a $50 gas voucher if they fork out $300 -- worth about one hour's worth of services -- at the brothel in Beatty, Nevada, 130 miles northwest of Las Vegas.

Owner James Davis said he already has had to order another $1,000 set of gas vouchers because the first $1,000 were spent in one week.

"It's rocking along. We're doing quite well. June and July historically are not big months," said Davis, who is co-owner of the brothel along with his wife Bobbi, in a telephone interview.

The $50 rebate would roughly cover the cost of a round trip drive from Las Vegas to the ranch.

Davis said business at the ranch, which has been operating for 16 years, generally slows in the early summer. He said the brothel regularly offers specials to lure clients and his wife came up with the gas vouchers for this month.

U.S. gasoline prices hit a record $4.08 a gallon last week, up 38 percent from a year ago.

Brothels, illegal in most U.S. states, are legal in parts of Nevada.



Man, that’s messed up.

Somewhere in there is an “ass, gas or grass” joke but I just can’t come up with it.

I guess the thing that strikes me as funny about this is that I can picture a couple of guys sitting around a Vegas hotel room where the conversation goes a little bit like this.

Dude 1 – “Dude, we are in Vegas baby!! Woohoo!!”

Dude 2 – “Yeah man and what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!”

Dude 1 – “Damn straight brother!”

Dude 2 – “Just think of all of the stuff we will tell our friends about when we get back to
West Virginia (or where ever)”

Dude 1 – “Yeah bro! Hey, let’s go get some hookers!! That would so rock!”

Dude 2 – “I would man but all of the brothels are like 130 miles away and gas is like $4.00 a gallon. Even though we just paid $200 a night for this room and $1,000 in airfare and the sex will cost us $300 an hour each.”

Dude 1 – “Good point, I wish we had a $50 pre-paid gas card, that would rule”

… dumbasses

Don’t get dead

www.ItAintEasyBeingSweezey.com

Note to self; pass out on the floor…

As I was reading some on-line news today I came across this story and it got me to thinking.

Woman kills husband with folding couch

By Denis Pinchuk
Wed Jul 9, 12:17 PM ET


ST PETERSBURG (Reuters) - A Russian woman in St Petersburg killed her drunk husband with a folding couch, Russian media reported on Wednesday.

St Petersburg's Channel Five said the man's wife, upset with her husband for being drunk and refusing to get up, kicked a handle after an argument, activating a mechanism that folds the couch up against a wall.

The couch, which doubles as a bed, folds up automatically in order to save space. The man fell between the mattress and the back of the couch, Channel Five quoted emergency workers as saying.

The woman then walked out of the room and returned three hours later to check on what she thought was an unusually quiet sleeping husband.

Police refused to comment.

The St Petersburg Emergency Services Ministry said a private rescue service removed the man's body.

Video on the television channel's website showed emergency workers sawing away the side panels of a couch to remove a man in his underwear lying headfirst between the cushions.

Emergency workers said the man died instantly.


So not only did she kill him, she left and came back later because he was sleeping too quietly. She was about to F him up royally. You know the words “get your lazy, drunk ass out of that couch!” were being said as she walked in.

And I got a feeling that she’s not some dainty little 5 foot tall 100 pound blond. I bet she looks like the caption of the Russian women’s wrestling team. I bet that she can bench press a Volvo.

Let’s play this forward, say she gets acquitted or what ever and somehow a guy is crazy enough to date here. Then they fall in love and decide to get married. Then they go to pick out “their” furniture. How nervous is this guy going to be? You know he will be checking out all of the crevasses in every piece of furniture. Do you think he will flinch every time she picks up a lamp? I mean you would have to be leery of anyone who uses furniture to kill people. Do you think for her that going to Haverty’s is like going to a gun and knife show for the Beltway Snipers?

Let me just say that you know this is one bad bitch if she killed her husband with a Futon!

Don’t get dead

www.ItAintEasyBeingSweezey.com

Study: Wearing High Heels May Give Women Healthier Sex Lives

Well no kidding! The article states “Wearing high heels may be hard on a woman's feet and back, but it also strengthens the pelvic floor resulting in a healthier sex life, according to a new study from Italy.

The researchers analyzed 66 women under the age of 50 before coming to the conclusion, according to a report from ExpressIndia.com.

They found that those who held their foot at a 15-degree angle had less electrical activity in the pelvic muscles, an essential component of female body.

“Women often have difficulty in carrying out the right exercises for the pelvic zone and wearing heels could be the solution. It’s good to know they have potential health benefits,” lead researcher Dr. Maria Cerruto is quoted as saying.”

Apparently Dr. Maria Cerruto either lives in a cave or is a complete moron. How do you get through eight years of college and be this clueless?

I am no scientist but I know that there are two kinds of shoes in the world for women, comfortable and sexy. That’s it. It’s not hard to figure out. And I doubt highly that the two mix. Never have ever looked at a girl and thought “Damn those clogs are sexy as hell, I wonder if she is wearing a thong?” I really think we need to find out more about this “Dr.” Do you think she is going to come out with a study that says women who shower on a regular basis have a better sex life too? Or maybe a study on people who wear sunglasses can see better on sunny days or something like that.

She must be butch or something.

May the force be with you and also with you

First John the Baptist did it, then Martin Luther did it, even Deion Sanders and L. Ron Hubbard have done it. Now the Jedis have done it. They have created their own church.

Yeah, I laughed too.

Seriously though, they did. Now there is one in Beaumont Texas and some people want to open one in the UK. I won’t bore you with all of the details but the bulk of the story is there are two brothers, Barney, 26 - or Master Jonba Hehol - and Daniel, 21 - Master Morda Hehol – who head the UK Church of the Jedi. They say their services will include sermons on "the Force," light sabre training, and meditation techniques (Jedi mind trick?).

When asked about the services Barney said: "My brother and I will wear the Jedi robes, the dark brown robes... the congregation would be in black. Really to bring a sense of unity to the meetings."

Although the current members are all men, women are not excluded, as Barney Jones points out: "Princess Leia helped them out a lot." Hmm, no girls, I wonder why? *cough*nerds*cough*

However, any congregation member drawn to the dark side (you got to be kidding me) of the Force, embodied in the film by Darth Vader, would be advised they are following the wrong path and could face expulsion.

Barney explained: "Obviously, if someone starts to try and use the good force for greed and power, they are going to bring negative interference into the meetings.

"We cannot have the Force disrupted by negative interference."

Kind of makes you want to bitch slap them huh. You can read the full story here http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/7200531.stm

So then there is this church in Beaumont. One of the first things that you see on their site is “Become a Jedi; a real Jedi. We are not fictional Jedi from the wonderful Star Wars movies, neither are we role playing; we are the Real Jedi Religion in this Galaxy in this Multiverse.” Well thank god (or Yoda, whatver) they are the real deal, I would hate to think I was going to join a church that had “fictional Jedi” or had people “role playing”. My mind is at ease now.

Then it goes on to say “One may become a Jedi Knight; actually a Knight of Jediism. This is a serious commitment.” Yeah, no playing around at the church based on a Science Fiction movie. “A Knight of the Temple of the Jedi Order has the highest standards as a guardian of Peace, Justice and above all Compassion. Jedi are united in discovering the nature of The Living Force Of Creation and using our powers for the good of humanity and to improve ourselves.”

“A member may request a Ministers License and then legally conduct marriages and other religious ceremonies.” Oh please God (or Obi One Kenobi) please let that part be a joke. “The Temple has acertification program and gives credit for prior learning and on the job experience.” Say what? “We certify that you have completed a
course of training and / or have the knowledge to be a Minister of The Force. This is also known as Jedi Clergy and Jedi Minister.”

“This is not a click and be instantly ordained minister's license.” Yeah, remember this is serious stuff, take it seriously or they will feed you to Jabba the Hut! “There is no charge - ever. Money should never be a barrier to one called to the ministry. We exist through the donations of others in time, work and money.”

Don’t forget to learn the “Jedi Creed” that is listed on the site, which has a footnote that it is a direct adaptation from the Prayer of St Francis of Assisi. Unoriginal bastards.

And like every other serious church, don’t forget to check out their “Temple Store” where you can purchase religious items such as t-shirts, coffee mugs, mouse pads, drink coasters, baseball caps, tote bags, magnets, stickers, buttons, and of course your Jedi Journal.

Still want more? Be sure to check out their blogs, forums, and chat room. Check it out for yourself at http://www.templeofthejediorder.org/

There is also another site called http://www.jedichurch.com/ if you just can’t get enough to satisfy your Jedi Church fix.

So of course I have questions, like who do they pray too? Yoda? Darth Vader? Obi One Kenobi? Luke Skywalker? Wasn’t he a Jedi? So who is the highest Jedi? I guess it would be Yoda, and all of the other guys are disciples? Or would they be saints?

I bet some of those confessions would be mofos. "*Heavy Darth Vader breathing* Master, I have sinned. I used my powers to create an evil empire so that I could take over the universe." Voice on other side of the confessional "Oh son of mine, prayer say you must and do it again not. Thirteen Hail Leias say you must. In peace go and remember father of yours I am.

Do you think that they would use the mind trick on Bingo nights? "B12....gggaahhh... I mean O14, sorry Lord Vader"

Think that they would use Ewoks as alter boys? Or have R2D2 & C3PO in the front of the church handing out bulletins and signing people up for a pancake breakfast?

I think the most important factor in if I would join the church or not would be if they could they teach me the mind Jedi trick? If they can do that, I am so in. Otherwise I might have to think about it for a bit.

News Article (not Heath Ledger related)

First off, why is this guys passing such a big deal? I had heard his name but had no idea who he was. I am sorry that this dude died but don't we have a lot more important things to report on right about now? Isn't there something sort of important coming up in November? Oh and don't we have a bunch of troops somewhere in a country about the size of California? And secondly, what kind of sickos gather together in large groups to take pictures of a body in a body bag being wheeled into a coroners van? When I saw that I turned away, give the guy a little privacy/dignity would ya? Our socity is in pretty bad shape when we can't leave the dead alone. Celebrity or not, this guy have family and I don't think they would love to see this on every channel.

But anyway, this is not about that. This is about a different news article that I saw.

Cat stowaway makes it home again

PALM BEACH GARDENS, Fla. - Some kitty math: How many lives did little tabby Gracie Mae use up when she crawled into her owner's suitcase, went through an airport X-ray machine, got loaded onto a plane, thrown onto a baggage belt and mistakenly picked up by a stranger far from home?

"She's got to be at four or five now," Seth Levy said after his 10-month-old pet was returned Sunday night by a kind stranger who went home to Fort Worth, Texas, with the wrong bag and Gracie inside to boot.

The last time Levy's wife, Kelly, saw Gracie was before she took her husband to the airport. The 24-year-old went back to her house in Palm Beach Gardens late Friday to find the bottom step, where Gracie would usually be waiting, empty.

She tore the house apart looking for the cat, who had been spayed just days before. She and her dad took out bathroom tiles and part of a cabinet to check a crawl space and papered the neighborhood with "lost cat" signs.

Then she got a phone call.

"Hi, you're not going to believe this, but I am calling from Fort Worth, Texas, and I accidentally picked up your husband's luggage. And when I opened the luggage, a cat jumped out," Kelly Levy quoted the caller saying.

Rob Carter said he made it home with the suitcase before realizing it wasn't his — and there was a big surprise inside.

"I went to unpack and saw some of the clothes and saw it wasn't my suitcase," he said. "I was going to close it, and a kitten jumped out and ran under the bed. I screamed like a little girl."

Carter said that he eventually was able to get the cat to come out from under the bed.

"In the morning, I got close enough to see its collar and the phone number on it," he said. "So I called the number and got a hold of the crying wife of the traveler."

The tabby made the 1,300-mile trip home on an $80 plane ticket. Carter said he considered keeping the cat before he knew she had a home.

"We were going to name it Suitcase," he said

So I have a question about this and I will try to keep it brief. What kind of demented F checks his cat? EVERYONE knows that cats are carry on!

But seriously, how do you now know there is a living animal in your suitcase? While we are at it, how did this not get noticed by the owner, the skycap, the desk agent, the luggage handlers or anyone else? You mean to tell me that a 10 month old kitten who just had surgery days before isn't going to be raising some holy hell zipped up in a suitcase? I call BS all over this story.

Dude I had a cat once … once. And it would not shut up if it didn't get its way, so you mean to tell me that this cat didn't make any noise? All the way to the airport, while being tagged, taken back or while being loaded onto the plane this cat didn't make a peep? Or even move for that matter? Put a cat in one of those carrier things, you would think the carrier was alive or possessed, hell I had one shoot out of my hand with a cat in it once. Come on, I don't buy this.