What ever happened to getting a fortune in fortune cookies? Has Confucius said everything he has to say? Cause I have not heard from his ass in a long time. I remember as a kid I would get fortunes that actually said something. Things like “You will take a trip to a far land”. Well yeah, it’s pretty vague, but nothing like “A stranger will cross your path in the near future”. Well no shit. Ray Charles could see that. Unless I move into my big ass plastic bubble, I am pretty sure a stranger will cross my path. But I want some really good fortunes. I want to hear about finding riches in far away lands. And getting some good news from a loved one, not generic crap like “A good deed will be done for you”. I know this may be a shock but a guy held the door open for me leaving the restaurant, was that the good deed? If so I got ripped off. And tell Confucius to get off his lazy ass and give me specifics. Tell me stuff like “You will soon get a boat load of cash that some dildo left in the tray at the ATM”. Now that would be a fortune.
Oh yeah, as a P.S. to the fortune cookie writers, your lotto numbers suck! Never had one hit. Bastards.
And, the lemon flavored cookies suck, don’t get fancy on us. I don’t want to be burping that shit for hours to come. Maybe they should put that in a fortune cookie. "You will taste this crap until 4 am"
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