So I walk up and there are these two totally hot blondes in this hot tub…

Ok, now that I have your attention. I would like to start off by saying that I am very patriotic, don’t get that wrong. I love my country and I am very proud of everyone who serves to protect it. But along the same lines, just because you joined the military does not mean that everyone in the country should bow down and kiss your feet like you are some kind of hero. Like I said, I am proud of those who serve to protect it. Not those who use the uniform as some sort of a “get one free” card. And just because you were in the (enter military branch here) don’t mean you wanted to defended this wonderful country. I know a lot of you out there did it because you either couldn’t get into college or have zero skills for the real world. And mom and dad said get your lazy ass out of bed and do something you worthless heap of molten rhinoceros dung. So you join the military. Please do us all a favor and keep you made up stories to yourself. If you are an engineer or “material specialist” (aka seamstress), I don’t want to hear your BS stories of how you single handedly fought an entire pack of (insert enemy of choice here) with nothing but your M-16, one clip of ammo and a butter knife. Save your bullshit for someone who needs to fertilize their garden. If you are an engineer, for the most part you are either building something up or tearing it down (construction or demolition). So I know better than to believe that you were on the front line. And please, if you were not even in the country where there was any fighting going on, don’t brag about serving at that time. Seriously, save it. I have been around the military entirely too much in life to honestly believe some your crap. Yeah, I know that if there is a need, pretty much anyone can be made to fight. But it doesn’t mean it happened. So if you’re a cook and you lost the tip of your little pinky finger because you are too stupid to pay attention when you are cutting onions, don’t make yourself out to be a hero. You’re embarrassing yourself and my goddamn country. I know this doesn’t apply to everyone in any branch of the armed services. I am just saying that I have witnessed entirely too many people making themselves out to be Rambo when they are really closer to being Rain Man. And yes, I will be the first to admit that I never served or even thought of it. Don’t mean I don’t have the utmost respect for those who went it for the right reason. I know I am not cut out for it, which is why I didn’t take Uncle Sam for a ride. Maybe I am crazy or maybe I actually have a conscious, but I doubt it. Oh and on a final note, if you really don’t have something from being exposed to something in a foreign land or fighting, (i.e. Agent Orange, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, the Sniffles, Cooties…) have a little self-respect and pride and don’t try to bleed the government for more money.