When did common sense become a thing of the past?

I am not talking about putting pennies in a light socket, playing tag with Freddie Krueger, or giving the cops the finger. There is no helping people like that.

I am talking about people who walk into either the only or main entrance to a mall, office building, church, or any place of business and stop once they are inside the door. Now I am not talking about people who walk into a building several feet, I am talking about those morons who are standing inches from the door frame. These mental midgets stop so close that you can not open the door because you will hit them with it. And have absolutely no idea that someone else might want to use that same door. This would be different if this was the front door to their apartment or water closet. But these people are blocking an entry that dozens if not hundreds of other people are trying to get threw right behind them. I simply wonder what goes on in their heads. Do they get sudden amnesia? Where they somehow expecting the inside to be different? Did they think when they walked into the door of the building with the great big “MALL” sign on it that there would be a wonderful land of unicorns, elves, dragons and talking animals all singing “We Are The World” or some crap like that? Or did they think it was some big secret magical Snuffaluffagus building that only they could see and where shocked when low and behold, they open the door and there are actually other people in there? Or maybe it’s not that complex. Maybe the change in temperature caused their bodies to go into shock and causes them to be temporary paralyzed. I just don’t know. These are the same people who will be four to a group standing in a three foot wide hallway and have absolutely no clue that they are blocking the entire way. There is more room in the damn clown car at Ringling Bro.’s than these people have left anyone to get by.

Why is it so hard to be aware of your surroundings? How hard is it to notice the brightly painted one ton hunk of metal in the lane next to you? Been there for almost ten minutes, you decide change lanes and are shocked to find out that someone else might be on the road too. How dare they! Speaking of driving dilemmas, when did the phone call take priority over driving while going down the road when behind the wheel? What the hell is so important that you can not maintain a constant speed and realize that your slow ass is holding up a line of traffic that fades into the distance in my rear-view mirror? And why is it so hard to get your slow ass out of the left lane? And when I try to pass your molasses ass you suddenly decide its time to speed up and catch the car in front of you, twenty miles away. God forbid someone pass you. You see, I not only complain, but I try to come up with ways to make things better. And I think I have one, and I can explain it in two words, Paintball Gun! That’s right. When I get behind you and finally get over into the lane next to you, you’re going to look like Bonnie Lee Blakely (or what ever her name is) and I am going to start doing my Robert Blake impression. I am going to open fire all over some windows until someone can get their priorities straight. Yes, you have every right (not really, left lanes are for passing, but my state just don’t have that posted) to be in that lane and I have every right to let you know that you are a moron. I am guessing that morons don’t know they are morons and they need to know. I just hope these people don’t screw as slow as they drive or they will never be able to keep a man/woman happy. And what is it that makes depth perception so hard to get? If you see a car coming down the road and another car is coming behind them but not ridding there bumper like they are being towed, what make people think it is a good idea to pull out right after the first car has passed? And why is it I can be on a three lane road with no one else on the road but me and someone think it’s a good idea to pull out in front of me in the lane I am in? Again I have a fix for this problem too. Remember the old black and white movies where the villain takes the girl and ties her to the railroad tracks when the train was coming? What did each of those trains have on the front of it? That’s right, a cattle catcher. So go ahead pull your soon to be crippled ass out in front of me. Because I am going to buy stock in wheelchairs and Plaster of Paris, you’re going to make me a wealthy man. I am going to weld a cattle catcher onto the front of my car, get the words “No Insurance” across and windshield and let the good times roll! Its crash up derby time boys and girls. Just doing my part to thin the idiots out of the population.

Oh yeah, since I have plenty of time before the holidays roll around again I am going to save up and buy some people a mirror, since they obviously don’t have one. Not talking about the fashion victims of society. No, no, no, I am talking about people who wear their clothes so tight that they look like they are trying to verify the thread count. And then there are the people who have the grooming skills to make Nick Nolte’s mug-shot look like a Toni and Guy ad. And ladies, please pay attention to this part! If you have facial hair, pluck it, tweeze it, shave it, duct tape it, just do something! I was in a doctor’s office this morning and there was an office assistant who must have been trying to become the first female member of ZZ Top. Take a weed whacker to that shit! You wonder why you are home alone every night? It might be because you have a beard that would make Santa Clause envious. Even Elvis didn’t have pork chops that hairy. Look, I am not trying to make fun of people or belittle anyone or anything like that, but come on. Maybe she has a glad problem or something that I don’t know about but I am sure that there is something that could be done to maintain a better self image. That’s just my opinion, I could be wrong.

I could go on and on, but I will try to reframe. I am just trying to help make this a better place for everyone.

To take a line from a friend of mine, don’t get dead!