My Life on Hidden Camera!

Let me start my first blog by telling you a little about myself. I am a thirty-something married man with a family, which means that I drink entirely too much. Actually that’s not true, my wife is wonderful and my children are amazing. I just wonder how they got stuck with me. That is kind of why this blog, my first blog (welcome to the 90s!!) is titled “My Life on Hidden Camera”. But I will touch on that a little later. But first, more about me, I have a good job, which means that I have incredible BS skills. I was born and raised in a small town and currently live in a major U.S. city, which makes for some interesting observations. It also keeps my soap box from getting dusty. I suffer from think-out-loud syndrome (i.e. I tend to openly comment on things I see or hear which is what made me think about starting one of the blog thingies). I also have many interests which I am sure will get shared during the duration of this blog. I also tend to ramble a bit.

I swear my life must be some kind of hidden camera reality show, much like the movie The Truman Show with Jim Carrey, where the producers put him in various situations to see how he would react. Lately, that is how I feel that my life has been. In this blog I will share with you many of my experiences and observations in life. As I have stated to some people that know me, I don’t have vacations, I have adventures!

In this blog, none of the names of the innocent will be changed, screw them!

Yesterday was not a vacation but just a small sample of what I am talking about. In an effort to save money the wife and I decided to sign up for one of those home delivery grocery services. We found a good deal on one, got a freezer tons and food and all that good stuff. And believe it or not the guy showed up pretty close to the time he was supposed to be there. When I saw him at the door I thought to myself this is going to be a good day, he is already here, I can get to work while the clock still says AM on it and things will be cool. Have you ever had one of those times when you thought to yourself, shit I spoke to soon? Yeah, well this was one of them. I tell the guy to pull around back so that he can load the freezer in to our laundry room threw the garage. He pulls up and just parks this huge truck in the back, which is fine with me. Well just about the time he gets everything loaded onto the lift and is about to lower the freezer and all of the food down to the ground my neighbor opens his garage door and kind of looks like he is not going to be able to back his car out. Well he waved and said it was ok that he had plenty of room. Cool, issue with the neighbor avoided. So the guy gets the freezer off the truck and these 3 boxes of food and begins to lower them down to the ground. He dollies the freezer into the laundry room and hooks it up, so far so good. He ask me if I want to check off everything that we are supposed to be getting and I tell him “sure”. We are going threw this list and everything looks good, this guy is even telling me where on the list the items would be and I am thinking to myself this guy is good, everything is going to be fine. So it looks like we are about three quarters of the way threw the list and he says to me, “Ok, can you sign here and here and initial here, here and here?” Of course I asked him “What about all of these other items over here?” To which his answer is “Oh!” Well shit, here we go again. He looks around; gathers up the boxes and goes threw them, one of three, two of three and three of three. Well no shit Sherlock, I can count and I am not completely retarded but just because you have three boxes there don’t mean I got all of my food that we paid for. So he tells me that the warehouse must not have put those items in the order. Ya think! Damn, maybe this guy can find Osama, he is good! So I ask him what do I need to do to get everything we paid for. He tells me to call this number, speak to so and so and they will get us the rest of the order. Ok, so will they run it back out today or something? Oh hell no, it wont be for a couple of weeks. Lovely, just freaking lovely. So I call and talk to the nice lady’s voicemail leave my number, name and a brief message. Well she actually calls me back, not just the same day but within an hour or so. She tells me that the warehouse is having problems with some bullshit and blah blah blah. The entire time I am thinking I could care less, just want my stuff I bought. So the shyster part of me taps me on the shoulder and convinces me to make this worth while. I quickly look at the foods that were not sent and tell her that I was really bummed out because we were going to have friends and family over and cook a big meal as a sort of celebration dinner (I guess we were going to celebrate saving money or some crap but she didn’t ask and I didn’t volunteer, but really who would have a party because they joined a home grocery service) and that we were going to try to get everyone else to join the service as well. So she can tell that I am kind of not digging the whole missing items thing and throws in a few free steaks for us because of the inconvenience. And then she lets me know that they are going to schedule a special delivery for us and it should be a week sooner than they thought it would be originally. I really should be ashamed, but I’m not. I thank her and proceed to get ready to roll into the office. So I am here now but the day is still young.

More to come I am sure…