my stressful job and my mee maw and my old dog and paycheck day

Dear Sweezey,

I didnt know being a security officer professional had so many responsibility's. Not only do I have to keep up w/ my sit of keys at night, but a flashlight and company issued duty belt that half way fits me. I also am confused about my brake times, noone has tooken responsibilty to tell me when to take my brake!!!!!!!I have a duty belt that has the sticky stuff on it and you wrap it around you and it sticks..... I am right handed and my night stick is on my left side and i have to situate it every freaking time i come on my shift! The company issues me keys and i have to keep up with them but they fall out easily because the pants are fucking cheap and slick!!!!! I bring my dog on shift and i have been writted up on it because why shouldn't I be able to bring my got damn fucking dog on duty if the police can?I GOTS ME A GERMAN SHEPPARD AND I USE IT TO HELP ME ON DUTY!!!!!!!!

I have several issues with the department and i will be going to talk with my leutenant or corporal wiggins if the chief isnt available....DRAMA...DRAMA...DRAMA..still at my ole age of 46!IT just aint fair got damn it, and my mee maw is mad and upset because THIS COMPANY DOES NOT DO ME THE FUCK RIGHT AND I WILL BE TELLING THEM ABOUT MY PANTS!EVERY FUCKING TIME I PUT SSOMETHING IN THEM THEY WANT TO FALL THE HELL OUT - That is putting me in danger! What if i lost my keys at night or my cell phone and i gots me an emergency????????

ANY SUGGESTIONS... HELP PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND THE MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!UN BELIEVEABLE

- Security Patrol

Dear Security Patrol,

What is unbelievable, or as you put it “UN BELIEVEABLE”, is how you are 46 years old and this damn stupid. Who in the hell hired you to do security? I wouldn’t let you guard my doghouse. Seriously, how did you get this job or any job for that matter? I think what amazes me the most is that you sent this via a computer. I am astonished.

So you didn’t know that being a security guard had so many “responsibility's”. I didn’t know that responsibility could possess something. And you have to keep up with a “sit” of keys? You mean a set? I know, those vowels can be tricky. Sounds like your belt is too big, yes? Well poke a hole in it to make it fit. Problem solved.

Just what is it that you have to stop or slow down? And you can only do it at certain times? Oh you mean break times, like taking a break, not like brakes on a car. Oh, well the reason that you are confused is because you are a complete tool. Yeah, if you had walking around sense you would probably be able to figure complex things like break times out. And just what is a “noone” and how would it “tooken responsibilty”?

So this duty belt that you have has something sticky on it? Well wipe it off goober. You really are retarded aren’t you?

Nightstick is on the left side and you are right handed, whew tough one. Maybe you can take the night stick out with your left hand? Or maybe you can flip the belt over and it will be on the right side! Novel idea huh! Wait a minute, who in their right mind gave you a nightstick?!

Keep loosing your keys huh, why don’t you put them in your pocket! Or maybe hold on to them or something wild like that? Maybe get one of those cool belt clip things that retract like a measuring tape? Dude, where you dropped on your head or something?

So you got writted up huh. Can’t help you there.

Why shouldn't you be able to bring your “got damn fucking dog on duty if the police can?” Well maybe because your not a police officer and because the police know the difference between God and got. “GOTS” you a German Sheppard huh, what you “GOTS” is a low IQ. Tell you what, take that nightstick and hold it tight with both hands with your arms out in front of you. Now swing it right between your eyes as hard as you can. If it hurts you are not doing it hard enough, keep tying.

This has got to be a joke right. You’re drunk or something right? There is no helping you.

- Sweezey

Don’t get dead