Deep Thoughts

Have you ever wondered if your mom kissed you goodnight after giving your dad a blow job?

Do you think that everyone who tries on a bathing suit really wears underwear when they try it on?

Sometimes I think that dogs are retarded for continuously wanting to smell asses.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them you will be a mile away and will have their shoes.

Have you ever wondered how your girlfriend got to be so good in bed?

Sometimes I think that I will go out and do random acts of kindness for my fellow man. Then I think fuck him, I got bills to pay.

There is always one weirdo on a bus, look around. If you can't find him, it's you.

Is anyone really fooled by calling “AA”, “Al Anon”?

I like to play a little game in my mind when I watch children play. It's called "Whose Going to be the Convict"

My grandfather once told me that the difference between a good man and a great man is a couple of consonants and a couple of vowels, but he was batshit crazy so what does he know.

If you play country music backwards do you get the wife, dog and farm back?

Is beauty still in the eye if the beholder is blind?

Do cannibals think that clowns taste funny?

Don’t get dead