The microwave

A few months ago we bought a new microwave, nothing special but it is a nice microwave. It’s a sweet over the cook top one that really gets food good and hot. And it’s got all of these bells and whistles like multiple timers, a light, rotating glass plate thing and so on. But it’s got something that makes me want to beat it with a frying pan. It has this little reminder beep that goes off every so many seconds after you have finished heating up something. THAT NEVER FUCKING QUITS! That is until you either hit “end” or open the microwave door. I am sure that as far as extras on appliances go, this is highly sought after in some houses, just not mine.

So if I am heating up something to eat and say making a drink or getting something out of the pantry it keeps reminding me that you plate full of lip smacking goodness is waiting on me. It’s almost taunting me. Beep, your food is ready stupid. Beep, hey moron, forget about something!? Beep, I didn’t heat this up for nothing you know, come and get it. Beep, it’s ready stupid, you going to eat this or not?

I just don’t see a need for this luxury. It’s not like I am going to forget that I am hungry. I have been eating all of my life, and to be quiet frank about it, I am pretty good at it. And after all of these years not only do I recognize what hunger feels like, I have even figured out a remedy. To freaking eat something. And I may be going out on a limb here, but I can still smell and most foods have an odor to them. Pretty sure that I can figure out that smell that smells like last nights dinner might actually be hot food!

Are there people who are not aware that they are hungry and actually need an audible reminder? That would rule! South Beach could suck it! The “I Forgot to Eat” diet would kick the crap out of it.

So dear wonderful box of stainless still awesomeness please shut up before I stick some Teflon where it doesn’t belong.

Don’t get dead