Dear Sweezey - I need some relationship advice!

Dear Sweezey,

I was dating a girl for a month and we found out she was pregnant. Her background is she works as a bartender, parties allot has a ton of guy friends, my background corporate guy and make over 150K a year. I immeadiately stepped up, moved her in, got her on my insurance, bought her new clothes, took her to drs visit, paid off some of her debt, got her car fixed, kept her cell phone on, took her on a vacation. Now I realize I am not perfect, I have been getting on her a little to be happy about all of this, and take the opportunity to work on getting a better job etc. Last week she told me she is moving in with one of her friends because its too stressful living with me, and she wants me to date her now until the baby comes? Pick her up, take her to dinner, drop her off etc. This seems such a backwards move, but I told her if that is what she needs then I will support even if I dont agree. But now I am wondering, is she just trying to have her cake and eat it to? I mean is she just trying to be independent single on her own, and have me around at the same time? Any thoughts would be helpful.
Thanks for reading

Sincerely

Confused!
Me 35
Her 30


Dear Confused!,

You are an idiot. And she is playing you for a fool, which you are. What you mean to say is that you were dating a girl for a month and YOU found that that she was pregnant. Trust me, she knew already. And just how do you expect me to believe that you rake in over $150K when you can’t spell immediately correctly? Just as an FYI, the abbreviation of doctors starts with a capital letter and the word “don’t” has an apostrophe (‘) <-- one of those.

So back to you being a moron. Just say that you do make over $150K and this girl is a bartender who probably doesn’t make a ton of cash. Do you think that wherever she works has a medical plan? And I would be willing to bet that most of her income is cash, probably not a lot of savings going on. Look, I am not saying that bartenders are bad people, not even close to saying that. But I do know that it is a tough job to make a lot of money at.

In essences you were here scratch off lottery ticket and you paid off big time.

You said that you got her car fixed, dumbass.

You said that you paid off some of her debt, mega-dumbass.

Then you paid to have her cell phone working, look boys and girls it’s SUPERDUMBASS!

Dude, who do you think she is calling with that phone? The babies daddy and by that I mean the real daddy not you, you tool.

Then on top of all that, you took her on a vacation? I wish I could reach you right now so that I can strangle your p-whipped ass.

God I wish that I had a vag so that I could get you to drop some cash on me you pitiful man.

What you did was to make her babydaddy’s life a hell of a lot easier.

Do you honestly think that she wants a better job? Why would she? She can still live the party life and as long as she keeps stringing you along, she has tons of stuff taken care of for her. You’re a sugar-daddy without being smart enough to realize it.

I would have come through the wall like the Kool-Aid man if this girl told me that she was about to move in with one of her friends after I did everything you said that you did for her.

If you keep “dating” her until the baby comes I am going to find you and bitch-slap you until your head spins around like Linda Blair. Dude, take the day off tomorrow and watch Jerry Spring or Maury Povich.

YOU ARE BEING USED FOR MONEY YOU DUMBASS!!!

Peace and love,

Sweezey

Don’t get dead