I know that I am late with my resolutions and I really don’t know why we make resolutions. Nor do I care. I heard on the radio how most people don’t keep their resolutions past the first month. So I thought that I would make some realistic resolutions that I can keep.
1. Work out less - You heard me correctly, work out less. If even at all! Yeah, I doubt highly that I break this one. I would love to say that I am going get back into the gym and work out at least 4 times a week but come on we all know that’s a lie.
2. Eat junkier foods – Yup, fuck tofu. I am going to eat what I want and not even feel bad about it. I believe that double cheeseburgers are in order as a celebratory kick off meal. Oh and fries with ranch. Anyone’s heart can beat with no resistance, my heart likes a challenge!
3. Read less/watch more TV – This one I may have to really work at. And not only watch more TV but watch more crappy TV. I am thinking cartoons and porn, and that’s it. Nothing like starting off your Sunday morning with the South Park & Debbie Does Dallas double header.
4. Be lazier – Whew, man I am not quite sure that this is even possible, I guess I could cut out showers.
5. Become more of a prick – Ok, these are supposed to be a challenge right? I guess I could great everyone with a rousing “F YOU!”
So these are my resolutions for 2009. I should be able to keep them. And if I do, do I get some sort of award or something? I guess on New Years Eve 2009 I will start lying to myself again and make all of these bullshit promises that I know that I am not going to keep, but this year I am going to make all of my resolutions!
Don’t get dead
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4 comments:
I do believe you have the willpower and testicular fortitude to make it through the whole year without giving up on any of these resolutions. Good luck and don't disappoint me.
These are the best resolutions! I think you can do it, but keep us updated man.
Why havent i thought of any of these?? The only one i could think of was look like i was actually doing something at work. Those are some pretty tough goals though so good luck!
Shife - I am trying, it's going to be tough. I think I will be a better man if I keep them.
Phats - I am not going to take them lightly, every time I think about having a salad I am going to make damn sure I look for something deep fried insetd.
Jake - Thanks for the well wishes, if I am able to pull it off you can use these resolutions next year.
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