Tim and the cat

Maybe it’s the meds or maybe it’s stress but either way something reminded me of something that happened when I lived in Virginia that I thought I would share.

At one point I had a roommate named Tim who was pretty cool. Tim owned this condo and I rented a room from him and we got to be pretty good friends. At some point during the time that I lived with him he was asked to cat-sit for about a week or so for a co-worker. Since it was Tim’s place the liter box was in the guest bathroom, the one that I used. And since we all know that cat shit smells oh so good, I really tried to keep the liter box clean.

Now another part of this story that comes into play is that I worked a lot closer to the condo than Tim did. During the first couple of days while we were cat-sitting I happened to beat Tim home and if there were turds in the litter box, I would flush them. So one day I am watching TV in the living room and Tim goes into the guest bathroom and comes right back out and says, “Man, this cat hasn’t taken a crap since it has been here”. So yeah, I had to screw with him.

I made sure that I beat him home the rest of the time that we were cat-sitting and I would clean out the litter box if there was anything in it. I didn’t know it but the next day Tim had taken the cat to the vet and the vet had prescribed some cat laxatives for the cat. And they were … effective! This cat was crapping its brains out. So for the next couple of days I am scooping up after this cat and secretly replacing the cat litter and Tim never notices.

The day before the cat is supposed to go back to its owner I made sure to beat Tim home and clean up all of the crap out of the litter box and then I decided to really screw with Tim. I had a really big lunch and was holding everything in until I got home. So now I have a nice freshly cleaned litter box and a full colon. This is when I decided to put my own little gift in the litter box. So I do my business in the litter box, scatter some litter on it and run back to my car in the parking lot and wait for Tim to pull in.

When I see Tim pull into the parking lot I get out of my car like I had just gotten home. Then I walk over and shoot the breeze with him and we walk into the condo together. We set out stuff down and I was just waiting for Tim to go check the litter box. Within a few minutes Tim goes into the guest bathroom and I hear, “HOLY SHIT! KITTY!” and he comes running out of the bathroom and into the living room where the cat was. Scoops up the cat, lifts its tail and begins to examine the cat’s ass.

I couldn’t hold in my laughter but Tim had this totally confused look on his face. I had to tell him what had happened because he didn’t get it at first. But damn it was funny seeing the look on his face thinking that this little cat had shit out this big man turd

Oh and there was no harm done to the cat.

Don’t get dead