Looking back, chapter 3

I have a buddy of mine who was in the Marine Corps while I lived in northern Virginia. Over the years he was stationed in different places and ending up being stationed at Camp Lajune. As fate would have it, he knew a guy who he used to be in the Marines with who lived just about half way between where I lived and Camp Lajune. My buddy thought I could meet this guy and we could have a place for us to party and hang out. My buddy drives up to my place one Friday and we head down to this other guys place in his truck right after work.

Unknown to me, we are taking the "back way". The "back way" took us down some very rural roads. Some VERY RURAL roads. It is the middle of the winter, it is dark and I have no idea where we are. After quite some time of not seeing any signs of civilization, much less electricity, I jokingly say "I didn't know that you could actually drive to the middle of nowhere". My buddy, keying in on my concern of the lack of creature comforts let's me know that he advises going to the can in the day time if you have to take a dump. Since we are going to be there over the weekend, I ask him why. I mean if it was just over night I could hold it. He tells me that the wind at night will chill you to the bone in an out house. Haha, not this time, I am not falling for it.

After what seemed like several more hours of driving we start to see some lights and a little town. And we drove right through it.

I look at my friend and say "Dude, where in the fuck are we going? I am pretty sure we are going to run out of real estate soon." He tells me that we are a little over half way there.

Eventually, we pull into this little town. A town that is so small that it makes my home town look like a major metropolitan city.

As we are making our way to this guy's house my buddy starts messing with me telling me that this guy lives with his mom who is an alcoholic and how she likes younger guys and junk like that. I tell him "That's cool, I like older chicks and if I don't have to work hard to get some, even better" knowing that he is screwing with me. We turn onto the street the guy lives on and my buddy tells me "That is the house right there, beside the church." He pulls into the driveway and I tell him "Take me home", he says what? I say to him "Take me the fuck home!" He ask "Why?" and I point to the free standing carport at the end of the driveway. Sitting tucked back by some boxes is a nice, shiny, white … toilet. I say to him "Dude, that's not even close to an outhouse. There aren't even walls much less a door. You can suck it if you think I am staying here for the weekend. Take me home." I can just picture someone sitting there doing their business when church lets out one Sunday. Now I am starting to wonder how much he has exaggerated about this dudes mom. I look over and my buddy is laughing his ass off. Of course I start to chuckle and ask him "what?" He tells me that he forgot that he didn't tell me that this was an investment property that they are renovating and that the toilet in the carport is just a coincidence.

How does this happen to me?