Who would play me?

I sometimes think up movie ideas that I would like to see and, no, they are not all porn movies. I said not ALL of them are porn, get off my back. Anyway, I won’t go into a lot of detail about all of them but I have been thinking about one, the movie of my life.

So I was thinking if I was the casting director for the movie of my life, who would I get (living or dead) to play the various cast members. Of course I would like to say that Brad Pitt or someone like that was going to play the part of me but I am trying to be realistic. You know, like how Tina Fey would play Sarah Palin. Willem Dafoe would have to play Josh Todd if they ever made a movie about the band Buckcherry and so on.

This part might be tough, the cast members who would play various people who have interaction in my life. My friend Kevin, he would probably be played by Sean William Scott. My buddy Jason, he would have to be maybe Nick Cage if he grew his hair out a bit. Who else, let’s see, one of my other friends named Jason (you know who you are Capt. Dirty Balls) has to be Donald Faison, not sure who is wife would be yet, possibly a young Grace Jones. Winters, oh god, he would have to be played by Johnny Knoxville. Jose would be played by Jorge Garcia. James would be a young George Carlin. One couple of our friends would have to be played by Ray Romano his wife would be played by Sandra Oh. Another couple that we know would have the husband played by Chris Farley and his wife would probably be played by Anna Nicole Smith. And I could go on and on, but I don’t think that I would cast every single person who I have interacted with in my life. The above are just some of the more important ones.

Then there are my in-laws, now this is going to be tricky. I think one of my sister-in-laws would have to be played by Jessica Simpson. And the other one would have to be played by Gwyneth Paltrow or Blake Lively. I think my brother-in-law would probably be played by Hugh Jackman and my future brother-in-law would be played by Jake Gyllenhaal? My father-in-law would have to be played by Robert De Niro and my mother-in-law would have to be Diane Keaton.

My dad would be played by John Goodman. Now my brother, that is going to be a tough one, maybe Brad Garret. I may have to re-think that one. My mom, oh man, who could play mom, maybe Paula Dean but not nearly as fat or as “Southern” and a little taller. I think one of my grandmothers (mom’s mom) would have to be Estelle Getty. My grandfather (mom’s dad) just might have to be Tommy Lee Jones. My dad’s dad would have to be played by Danny De Vito. I never knew my dad’s mother, she died when I was 3, but she looked a lot like Marilyn Monroe, but that could be because of the hairstyles of the time.

My wife would have to be Molly Ringwald. And as for me, I was thinking that the current me would be played by Kelsey Grammer, the “Cheers” years. Maybe the younger me would be played by Jack Black. Yeah, kind of an odd couple to play the same person.

What an F’ed up cast.

So to complicate things even more and because music has always been a very large part of my life, I would have to have a sound track. Each of these songs has some sort of meaning to a particular point in my life. Some good, some not so good but each of them reminds me of a time in my life so I thought that I would include them. So on my soundtrack would include the following:

Sweet Home Alabama – Lynyrd Skynyrd
Panama – Van Halen
Tiny Dancer – Tim McGraw
Home – Michael Buble
Summer Nights – Van Halen
Jolly Mon – Jimmy Buffet
Feeling Good – Michael Buble
What a Beautiful World – Louis Armstrong
Girls, Girls, Girls – Motley Crue
Mas Tequila – Sammy Hagar
Cats in the Cradle – Harry Chapin
How Do You Like Me Now – Toby Keith
Friends in Low Places – Garth Brooks
Born To Raise Hell – Motorhead
God Bless the USA – Lee Greenwood
The Way You Look Tonight – Harry Connick Jr
Seven Bridges Road – The Eagles


Again a cluster F of a soundtrack.

And just for the heck of it, if there was a sequel, this might be on that soundtrack.

Mista Bone – Great White
Hold On Loosely - .38 Special
Already Gone – The Eagles
Rock-n-Roll All Night – KISS
Straight to Hell – Drivin N’ Cryin
Remedy – The Black Crows
Welcome To the Terrordome – Public Enemy
Take It Back – Pink Floyd
Pinball Wizard – The Who
More Human than Human – White Zombie
Another Brick in the Wall – Pink Floyd
Boogie Shoes – K.C. and the Sunshine Band
Sex Bomb – Tom Jones (haha!)
Calling All Angels – Train
Born To Boogie – Hank Williams Jr.
Wild Child – W.A.S.P.
Mental Health – Quiet Riot
We’re Not Gonna Take It – Twisted Sister
Rock You Like A Hurricane – The Scorpions
Whipeout – The Ventures

With all of this being said who would be in the cast of a movie about your life? And that movie had a soundtrack, what would be on it?

Don’t get dead