Dear Sweezey – Carpooling

Dear Sweezey,

I have a co-worker who lives near me and due to the current economic situation we decided to carpool. Well I hate this guy. He is a nerd and other than work we have nothing in common. But I am in an odd place because we work together. So he knows if I really do need to work late or go in early. How do I get out of this mess that I am in?

Please help,

Traffic Jam


Dear TJ,

I don’t even have to think about this one. All you have to do is to make this guy completely uncomfortable while he is on the road with you. Maybe even look at it as a phased approach.

Phase one – run errands on the way home from work. The holiday season is right around the corner, do a little holiday shopping on the way home. Just add a nice little twist to it, do some “personal” shopping for the wife/girlfriend/boyfriend. Hell yeah, tell him that you got to make a stop at your local sex shop because you are going to pick the wife up some nipple clamps for her stocking stuffer. Nothing says Christmas like a 12 inch dildo. And what would the holiday season be without a fetish DVD? If that doesn’t put an end to carpooling, well what the hell are you complaining about? This dude sounds pretty cool to me if he is down with all that, so it might be you that is the problem. But if that doesn’t do it, move to phase two.

Phase two – Ungodly stereo volume. Not just loud music, but loud bad music. Go get a satanic heavy metal CD or maybe some euro house CD and just crank it. Just pick out what ever is the opposite of what he likes. He likes Country, you blast gangster rap. He likes rock, you rock out to some gospel. Get the picture?

Phase three – Road rage. When it is your turn to drive, you got to get into mad man mode. Erratic lane changes, floor it as soon as the light turns green and complain about every other driver on the road. Maybe even huff and throw up your hands every now and then. Ride the bumper of the car in front of you and continuously mutter, “come on you son of a bitch, speed up”. If you make this guy fear for his life, the price of gas is not going to be a concern at all.

Phase four – If the guy is married and/or has a girlfriend and the other three steps have not worked, you may have to go for broke. Tell him that you two should go in halves on a hooker after work. Pretty sure that would do it.

Hope this helps,

Sweezey

As always feel free to e-mail me for advice at DearSweezey@gmail.com.

Don’t get dead