F YOU Weatherman!

It’s not that I am upset by the local weather forecast, I am pissed off by the vague speak that they use to cover their asses because they don’t know any more than I do on what the flipping weather is going to be like.

Like what is the difference between isolated showers and scattered showers? They both mean that some places will get rain and some won’t. But what is the difference? Are some places more likely to maybe get rain than others? What a crock of shit that is.

And you know you can take your wind chill and heat index and stick them where it may be partly cloudy. There are three temperatures, it’s fucking hot, damn what a nice day and holy shit is it cold. That’s it.

And speaking of partly cloudy, what is that shit? I hear some days it will be partly cloudy and some days will be partly sunny. What the fuck? So does partly cloudy mean that we are going to have more sun or more clouds? Is partly the most part or the least part?

And if one of you mother fuckers even mentions the word ice and we don’t get ice but I have to be in traffic hell for how ever many hours, I am going to kick you right in the junk during the 10 o’clock newscast. You better not say it even if you are talking about your tea. Comprendre asshole?

Oh and this last winter I heard this gem while getting ready for work one morning. There was going to be patches of freezing fog, freezing fucking fog. You got to be shitting me. Ok, fog is moisture in the air (i.e. water) so if it freezes then there is a block of ice floating in the air? I call BS on that.

I think that weathermen aspire to be politicians. They can both speak at length without saying anything specific.

In conclusion, I am jealous of weathermen. That has got to be the only job where you can rake in a healthy six figures, be a celebrity of sorts, be wrong every day and still keep your damn job.

Don’t get dead