Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Dear Sweezey – My Girlfriend

Dear Sweezey,

My girlfriend is perfect. She's sweet, intelligent, thoughtful and very attractive. I mean, she is so attractive it has gotten to the point of being absurd. I can't introduce her to anybody without the first comment being "wow, she is really pretty" (told to me only of course). Which is nice, but I know her in a much more intimate way and kind of resent that is what people see first.

Anyway, we have been dating for a while now. I'm in love with her and all but why the fuck can't I stop fantasizing about of other women?

I swear, it is getting ridiculous. I can't get on the blue line without eye fucking a woman. And the women I lust after aren't even half as attractive as my girl. I would never cheat but shit, this is getting really out of hand how often I think about nailing other girls.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Thanks,

Bad Boyfriend

Dear Bad Boyfriend,

You have simply out kicked your coverage so to speak. In other words she is too good for you and you should really dump her and seriously downgrade in the looks department. This way you might be happy. If you start dating an ugly girl and you are still eye fucking chicks on the train, maybe you should start to date guys. Plus you probably aren’t any good in bed so you might want to learn to take it in the butt anyway, jackass.

- Sweezey

Fell free to e-mail me for advice at DearSweezey@gmail.com

Don’t get dead

17 comments:

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Classic.

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